8 months later: 125 pounds.
Graduated from UMKC May 2015: 150 pounds.
Now: still 150 pounds.
I attribute my stagnant weight to lack of happiness with myself.
Over the past couple of months upon graduation, I worked at a store. Although there is absolutely nothing wrong with working at a store...it's just not what I wanted for myself after dedicating a year of my life to getting a Master's degree in a completely different field. My heart just wasn't in it. It wasn't my passion - it was a paycheck.
I'm living with my parents. I am 26-years-old...and living with my parents. Sure, "you gotta do what you gotta do." But...I feel so unaccomplished. 26-years-old and it feels like I have nothing to show for it. Yeah, I have a storage room locked up with all of my things...but I don't have a place to call my own. For some reason, this one really, really bothers me.
I like to have my OWN space. Do things on MY time. Have things look MY way. Have healthy foods and make my OWN dinners. I crave independence and a routine schedule that I don't have to share with a household of other people.
I feel that I am especially sensitive to my environment. When I am not residing in my own space and doing things my way, I get in a slump.
I am in that slump.
I am not happy with myself and where I am in life.
In the past, I've had the gusto to suck it up and find the drive. But, this time...it's so much harder to find. I keep trying to re-inspire myself to live a healthier life...
I pin healthy meals.
I bought myself a new exercise wardrobe.
I look at pictures of my old self. Pictures of fit women.
But, I just can't find the push to take action.
I hate the way clothes feel on me.
I hate the way I look.
Maybe there's just so much negativity towards myself that it's depressing me into debilitation....
And I don't mean to sound so negative - I'm just being real.
Surely, I'm not the only one who wishes things could be different.
My hope is that as I search for my "cure" to a healthier life, I help others who are in the same boat I am.
I mean, seriously. I know there are tons of people who would love to lose weight and be happy! And we get tons of "advice" thrown at us all the time... but what actually works? And how much of that shit is actually authentic?
I do believe you have to create the life you want to live.
I also believe that there are five aspects to living a healthier life that you MUST consider:
- Emotional
- Physical
- Mental
- Spiritual
- Financial
If one category is low, it affects the others.
Therefore, it may come to no surprise that I feel sufficiently low in every aspect of my life.
- Emotionally: I have a loving family and supportive boyfriend, but I have strong negative self-perceptions and feelings towards myself.
- Physically: I feel uncomfortable. I don't like the way I look. I don't work out, and I hate it.
- Mentally: My current store job does nothing to challenge or stimulate me mentally. It is not the right field for me. Outside of work, I am involved in a small musical production. However, on a daily basis, I have no personal projects I am passionate about or working towards.
- Spiritually: Lost. I'd love to start meditating and really try to connect with my spiritual side (something I have neglected for many, many years).
- Financially: In debt for the rest of my life. In a field that is known for not paying well. Plus, I have terrible spending habits and have NEVER been good at saving the little money I do make.
Damn, I sound negative.
But, that is how I feel.
I HAVE to take action...and I'm hoping this blog will give me a boost toward taking action...
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