Day 3.

So, yesterday was a good healthy day.

Woke up at a decent time.

Made a healthy breakfast.

Meditated outside.

Made a healthy lunch.

Went to the gym.

Went tanning.

Cleaned my room (took FOREVER).

Ate a healthy early dinner.

Around 7:30pm my hunger spiked.  Big time.  

I tried my best not to eat too much.  I could have been worse.

Today, I screwed my whole rhythm up.

I woke up at 5:50am and couldn't fall back asleep.

So I made a healthy breakfast.

Watched my niece and spent time with her outside.

Drank 3 cups of coffee in that time, but was tired and decided to try to go back to sleep.

The caffeine has kept me from falling back asleep, even though my eyes are begging for more.

It's 1:00pm and I still can't get myself up.

I was too eager to get my day started.

Another obstacle: my family and I are going to Jose Peppers for a late lunch for my sister's graduation today.  Sounds great, but Mexican food is my absolute weakness in life.  

I MUST get the Red Tortilla Soup with NO margarita.

I didn't think it was going to be possible until these pictures were posted of me on Facebook today...

For the love of God...if these don't inspire me to drop the pounds, I don't know what will.

I'm 5'2 and 150 lbs is just too heavy for my frame.

I know this isn't positive self-talk...but I can't look at these pictures and be proud.  I just can't.

So anytime I'm tempted to eat something I shouldn't....one glance at these should do the trick.

This is Nicole Mejia.  

Same body type and my fitspiration.

Inspiration.

Healthy Living: Day 1

Wednesday -- September 23, 2015

I woke up and got out of bed at 8:30am.
Considering that I've been sleeping in until 11:00am the past two mornings, this was definitely a good start.

I found myself feeling better than the previous night.  After writing my last post and focusing on all the negatives and things that I need to do...I just felt terrible.  I'm lucky enough to have a boyfriend who is very supportive.  He noted my accomplishments and basically told me to get over myself and go for what I want.  It was helpful.

So, I made myself and my niece breakfast.
Eggs with turkey (because I LOVE protein) and grapes.  I tried to avoid the carbs.

Later, I took my niece to the grocery store and bought several healthy foods that I would buy if I were living on my own...
Canned chicken, canned tuna, Walden Farms mayo (zero calories, zero carbs), quinoa chips, three seed multigrain crackers, carrots, broccoli, celery, cherry tomatoes, hummus, sundried tomato tortilla wraps, and hardboiled eggs.

(See...I KNOW how to eat healthy!  It's just a matter of DOING it!)

I was tempted to purchase lunch at the Price Chopper deli market, but I chose to be good and go home to make my own healthier meal.
I'll post a picture later, but I made myself a chicken salad wrap with quinoa chips, carrots, and hummus.

So far so good!

However, my allergies are kicking my ass and making me very, very sleepy.
My goal is to still go to the gym and later get my TB test done.  Oh, and clean my room.

Let's see what I can do.

-- EDIT --

I went to the gym for an hour and a half!!  (Go me!)
Let me tell you, though...I haven't felt THAT out of shape in a good while.  Man.
I also went and got my TB test.  Look at me gettin' shit done.

I was STARVING when I got home and had a small snack while waiting for dinner to be ready.
6 Artisan Muli-Grain Nut Crackers with one Laughing Cow Cheese wedge

For dinner I had salisbury steak, mushrooms, broccoli, and mashed potatoes.  I didn't go back for seconds or thirds like I usually do!!  (Seriously...portions are an issue for me....)
I also didn't drink any alcohol.

I really am trying to get back to a healthy mindset.

Brainstorming Initial Goals.

Living a healthy lifestyle is a conglomeration of things that touch the previously mentioned 5 Aspects of Life.

- Emotional

- Physical

- Mental

- Spiritual

- Financial

Brainstorming Session

I'm going to list things I can do immediately to start working towards my long-term goals within each category.

Emotional

Problem: Unhappy with myself.

Short-term: Gratitude exercises and positive affirmations.  Each day, write down or tell someone three things I am grateful for each day.  Read and pin positive quotes, affirmations, and books daily.  Perhaps find a book to read before bed each night?

Long-term:  Feel comfortable in my own skin again and feel happy.

Physical

Problem:  I am overweight and inactive.

Short-term: Work out 5 times a week.  Eat healthier.  Drink less alcohol.  A lot of this has to do with creating a routine.  Once I start my new job, this will be easier.  Until then, just take it day by day and be aware of what you are doing with your body.

Long-term:  Lose 20 pounds and create a healthy exercise routine that I'll stick to.

Mental

Problem:  Waiting to start new job.  No extra personal activities.

Short-term:  Patience.  You will start your new job soon.  Calm down and use meditation exercises when feeling anxious or bored.  Come up with a project outside of work.

Long-term: Get LMSW, then LCSW by the time I'm 30 years old.  Own my own practice by 35 years old.

Spiritual

Problem:  Lacking guidance and beliefs; unsure about my spiritual beliefs.

Short-term:  Start with meditation.  Download an app on phone.  Make the time to explore what spirituality means to me.

Long-term:  Feel connected and have a sense of purpose.  Create a greater connection with my soul.

Financial

Problem:  I have no money.  I am in debt.  I want to my own home.  I want to travel and see a beach (it's been at least 10 years)....

Short-term:  Start putting money from every paycheck into savings account - $200 to start.  Be more cognizant of spending habits.  Focus on having enough money to have your own place.  Use the KPers money coming in to pay off all credit and medical debt.  Create budget binder?

Long-term: Save up $2,500 before moving out.  Have an apartment.

Getting fit. Again.

Graduated from Mizzou December 2011: 150 pounds.

8 months later: 125 pounds.

Graduated from UMKC May 2015: 150 pounds.

Now: still 150 pounds.

I attribute my stagnant weight to lack of happiness with myself.

Over the past couple of months upon graduation, I worked at a store.  Although there is absolutely nothing wrong with working at a store...it's just not what I wanted for myself after dedicating a year of my life to getting a Master's degree in a completely different field.  My heart just wasn't in it.  It wasn't my passion - it was a paycheck.

I'm living with my parents.  I am 26-years-old...and living with my parents.  Sure, "you gotta do what you gotta do."  But...I feel so unaccomplished.  26-years-old and it feels like I have nothing to show for it.  Yeah, I have a storage room locked up with all of my things...but I don't have a place to call my own.  For some reason, this one really, really bothers me.  

I like to have my OWN space.  Do things on MY time.  Have things look MY way.  Have healthy foods and make my OWN dinners.  I crave independence and a routine schedule that I don't have to share with a household of other people.  

I feel that I am especially sensitive to my environment.  When I am not residing in my own space and doing things my way, I get in a slump.  

I am in that slump.

I am not happy with myself and where I am in life.

In the past, I've had the gusto to suck it up and find the drive.  But, this time...it's so much harder to find.  I keep trying to re-inspire myself to live a healthier life...

I pin healthy meals.

I bought myself a new exercise wardrobe.

I look at pictures of my old self.  Pictures of fit women.

But, I just can't find the push to take action.

I hate the way clothes feel on me.

I hate the way I look.

Maybe there's just so much negativity towards myself that it's depressing me into debilitation....

And I don't mean to sound so negative - I'm just being real.

Surely, I'm not the only one who wishes things could be different.

My hope is that as I search for my "cure" to a healthier life, I help others who are in the same boat I am.

I mean, seriously.  I know there are tons of people who would love to lose weight and be happy!  And we get tons of "advice" thrown at us all the time... but what actually works?  And how much of that shit is actually authentic?

I do believe you have to create the life you want to live.

I also believe that there are five aspects to living a healthier life that you MUST consider:

- Emotional

- Physical

- Mental

- Spiritual

- Financial

If one category is low, it affects the others.  

Therefore, it may come to no surprise that I feel sufficiently low in every aspect of my life.

- Emotionally: I have a loving family and supportive boyfriend, but I have strong negative self-perceptions and feelings towards myself.

- Physically:  I feel uncomfortable.  I don't like the way I look.  I don't work out, and I hate it.

- Mentally: My current store job does nothing to challenge or stimulate me mentally.  It is not the right field for me.  Outside of work, I am involved in a small musical production.  However, on a daily basis, I have no personal projects I am passionate about or working towards.

- Spiritually: Lost.  I'd love to start meditating and really try to connect with my spiritual side (something I have neglected for many, many years).

- Financially:  In debt for the rest of my life.  In a field that is known for not paying well.  Plus, I have terrible spending habits and have NEVER been good at saving the little money I do make.

Damn, I sound negative.

But, that is how I feel.

I HAVE to take action...and I'm hoping this blog will give me a boost toward taking action...